Tuesday, June 2, 2009

The First One

Today was pointless. I just wanna start this shit out like that. Just so we're on the same page.
Today was pointless. Nothing got done, nothing was accomplished, I'm still on the couch, I probably successfully got fatter. I didn't play the Sims like I planned to, didn't work on my novel like I planned [the fuckin writer's block is SO ugly] and I don't know... I didn't do the dishes. Just a lot of bullshit happened which made me wish like today shouldn't have happened. Hopefully I have work tomorrow so I don't feel like this again. Because then, I'd feel like I was depressed or something. Days shouldn't be 'pointless'... especially when you're twentyone. I don't even know what I'm talking about anymore. Maybe I should stop...

I'm not.

I really missed my Dad today.. The fake one. The one I thought was my father for about 20 years, until I found out he wasn't. My best friend... well, ex best friend. Because our communication fried and then completely died out when I was 18. Shit happens, I guess, but it sucks that it happened to me. And I need to get over myself but self loathing and feeling sorry for myself is kind of therapeutic in a sort of sick, self-centered kind of way so I'm probably gonna be doing this shit for another couple of years.. Ahhh, this isn't live journal.. so perhaps I shouldn't treat it like it is.. but fuck it. I created this shit so I'm gonna type whatever the fuck I want to in it.
I'm gonna type a poem and then dip.

beatin down on my heart
like rain in a storm
your smile all the while
promising serenity and warmth
teases me; makes me yearn
for more and more of you
like a junkie to the needle
i'm more than addicted to you
a & e but my i is only on u
happy kisses to your cheek
like strangers lost
our lips meet & greet
only for my legs to quiver
like two naked virgins getting it on
down by the river-
i live to embrace you
amaze you
and grace you
and weed would be so much better
if it were laced with you...
cuz with you alone
one toke and i'm gone
and the high that results
is sooooo fucking strong...

and that's all I got.